Freedom?

March 26, 2006

I guess I’m still afraid to admit to myself that I am now free to write even my most personal thoughts. Despite the fact that I know that this blog is now secure, and hopefully will never be found by the girlfriend, I still hesitate. It was such a letdown when she discovered my old blog, since my innermost thoughts were there. She found it at a time when no one knew the writer behind the blog. After the discovery, I felt that it was pointless to keep my anonymity. So what happened? Blogger EBs, of course.

It was all downhill from there. We knew each other now, so we had to be more careful with the things that we write down and publish on the blog. And of course, people could not be helped but be attracted at times, especially since all of us had the same passion for writing. Who am I kidding? Some of the bloggers that I met are hot. I made the mistake of having a sexual relationship with one and I paid for it dearly. I hurt a lot of people, but the one thing I regret is that I hurt my one true love.

I wasn’t thinking of hurting anyone in the process, of course. I didn’t even think of her and maybe that was my mistake. But how can one think of true love when one is overcome by passion and lust? I know I mentioned earlier that having an affair with then was a mistake. Still, I long to have you in arms. The memory us sitting together while hugging you from behind and gently rubbing your thighs is forever etched in my psyche. I still hope for more lust-filled moments with you.